


408. love is watching someone die

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [98]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8223862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: Helena is exactly Sarah’s height, so her eyes meet Sarah’s sharp and kind when she says: “You did a good job.”“I killed someone,” Sarah says, and again: “I killed someone.”“Yes,” Helena says. She doesn’t say anything else.





	

“It feels good, doesn’t it,” Helena says. Sarah can’t hear her over the clatter as she drops the knife down to the ground. It should sound like a thunderstorm, a tornado, a natural disaster. Instead it just sounds like a piece of cheap metal hitting the ground.

“No,” she lies. “Feels like shit.”

Her voice is wavering. Helena makes a considering hum that says she can tell. Sarah can hear Helena’s footsteps behind her and then Helena is crouching over the body. Her knuckles are planted on the ground; she looks like an animal. Sarah wonders what she looks like herself.

Probably the same.

Her hands are shaking.

“Dead,” Helena pronounces, and rocks onto the balls of her feet. She tilts her head to the side and considers Sarah, folds her arms over her knees and stays in that pose like gravity is something she tried once and didn’t much like the taste of. “So?”

“So,” Sarah says weakly.

Helena shrugs. “I don’t know,” she says. “ _So_ what next. _So_ are you going to cry. _So_ did you lie, when you said it didn’t feel good.”

“I don’t know,” Sarah says.

“No,” Sarah says.

“Yeah,” Sarah says.

Helena studies her for a moment more and then nods sharply. “Okay, Sarah,” she says, and stands back up. She is exactly Sarah’s height, so her eyes meet Sarah’s sharp and kind when she says: “You did a good job.”

“I killed someone,” Sarah says, and again: “I _killed_ someone.”

“Yes,” Helena says. She doesn’t say anything else, just takes the knife in one hand and Sarah’s hand in the other and walks them away from the body. Sarah clings to her hand like a child. It’s warm, and calloused, and familiar in a way that goes beyond biology. _Helena_ , she thinks, _I killed someone_ , but she knows Helena would just say _I know_ again and that isn’t the answer Sarah wants to hear.

She doesn’t know what the answer is, really. But she knows it isn’t: that.

“What do we do now,” she says weakly, and it isn’t a short-term question.

“I’m hungry,” Helena says, swinging their joined hands back and forth. “So I think…burgers. Do you want a burger, Sarah.”

 _No_ , Sarah thinks on the sort of gut instinct that tells her she should feel nauseous. But her stomach growls hopefully, and god help her the answer is yes.

“Yeah,” she says, “I just killed somebody, let’s go get a burger. Why the hell not.”

“It makes you feel better,” Helena says easily as they head towards where the motorbike is parked. “Having food in your belly. You can get a milkshake too if you want. Chocolate is the best kind.”

“This isn’t right,” Sarah says. “I should be throwing up. You should be—” she stops, because she doesn’t know.

“Not hungry,” Helena says quietly. “Yes? That is what I should not be.”

Yes. Helena should be quiet and solemn and dangerous and above all things she should not be hungry.

Helena lets out a short little _mm_ and keeps pulling Sarah forward. “But I am,” she says. “I am hungry, and you are hungry, and someone is dead, and that does not stop bellies from grumbling or burgers from being grilled.”

“It should.”

“That would be silly,” Helena says with a sort of finality.

Sarah’s head droops forward on her neck, and she doesn’t want to cry, and she should want to cry, and she doesn’t want to cry. She wants a burger. She wants a milkshake, but maybe not chocolate. Strawberry, if the pinkish color of it isn’t too much to stand.

“Say it again,” she whispers.

“You did a good job,” Helena says easily, like she’s known this whole time exactly what Sarah needed to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoy! :)


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